I can't hug you, so...

Posted on: Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Dear Mallory,

I am so glad you were able to reset and relax and just feel that anger. It probably sounds like a strange sentiment, "I'm so glad you were angry!" But I am. Every once in a while, it's healthy to get angry [but it is unhealthy to be angry most of the time, feel me?]. During Aaron's deployment I was healthy angry. During our last move I was healthy angry. When I've applied to jobs I was really, truly passionate about and I didn't get an interview, let alone the job, I was healthy angry. Suppressing that healthy anger? Unhealthy in my opinion. I'm sure there's some sort of study out there proving my point, but I have nothing to reference right now. Just know that I'm really proud of you. I know how hard you work to be brave and proud for your Harry, but I think it's good for kids to learn, from watching their parents, what it looks like to be healthy angry.

Does any of this make sense? I grew up in a house where there was an unbalance of healthy and unhealthy anger and it took me a while to learn how to distinguish between the two. It also took me a while to realize that I could choose whether or not to get angry or use that anger for and towards a healthier outcome.

I'm sorry, but does this make sense? I'm on my lunch break right now [!!!] and trying to allow all of this to pour out of me. I hope it's working.

I work in a certified green building where the natural light is just incredible.

When I'm angry, or just feeling plain old funky, I have some tricks that I use to shake myself out of it. They don't always work--sometimes there's a part of me that likes to hold on to that anger...? But I'm going to share them with you anyhow.

First, travel. I have a perpetual case of wanderlust. I relish in a good road trip. I really love flying. Trains are like magic for me [I blame that on Harry Potter]. I would love to say that bicycle rides also help to shake off my funk, but they don't... They always leave me thirsty for more. So travel. Even if it's a day trip or a short weekend.

Secondly, visitors! Visitors who nurture you and soothe you and listen to you and allow you to completely and totally let go. A lot of my visitors make me feel like I have to be Wonder Woman Host. I need to have clean sheets [that's just being nice] on top of a list of meals I'll be cooking and places to visit and hairless carpet and well-behaved dogs and clean cars and a full bank account and stain-free furniture... Etcetera. Forget them. You need a visitor who can show up during a whirlwind of life experience, with Harry's toys all over the carpet and a lack of groceries and no agenda.

Oh hey! Can I be that visitor for you next weekend, Mallory? Please. I would really like to cook for you [but I warn you, I'm not the most impressive cook, so...].

The last step of my new hobby, that beautiful mirror.

Thirdly, a new hobby. It sounds so cliche. And I know you've heard it a million times because military wives and Family Readiness Centers and blogs and other resources love touting "Find a new hobby." But it's kind of true. Unfortunately. Like when Aaron and I got here I was anticipating a looong period of unemployment and boredom and tight finances. So I, along with the help of my friend Kim, taught myself how to refurbish furniture. I know you know how to do this already, so, sorry, but you have to find a new to you hobby, but you get the idea. I was so excited and wrapped up by the [not so] simple task of sanding and staining and waxing a beautiful new dresser that Aaron discovered that I nearly forgot that I was in a new place without friends or a job.

Did any of this help? Did any of this make sense? Really, what I would like to do, is just give you a hug. Because I know, girl. I know. Life sometimes. It's such a bitch.

Are you feeling better? What book did you start reading? How is this week going?

Your Anne Shirley,


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