Is January a Depressing Month?

Dear Amy,

I feel like I haven't really talked to you in such a long time! How are you? Are you enjoying January? I've heard that January is the most depressing month of the year… I suppose I could understand, with the holidays ending and the dreary winter days just beginning. I've always loved January though, with my birthday at the very end, and now with Harry's birthday on the 9th, I especially love January.

The day he left. Harry looks so little here.

I've been busy. I'm expecting a great, big homecoming next week. One I've been waiting almost five months for. (Side note, I realized the other day that I find myself shrugging the time off like it's really not a big deal when I talk to people who have dealt with deployments before. Why??? It is a freaking big deal. Five months is a long time to go without your best friend/partner/spouse. It doesn't matter if someone else deployed for six months, nine months, 12 months. Any deployment is hard and is a long time.) Anyway, busy. For two reasons: I'm getting ready for Jon to be home. Cleaning, organizing, playing with my kid all the while. And I'm finding tasks to keep myself busy. Because, as you know, I'd go crazy if I weren't busy.

I'm curious about your reunions with Aaron after deployments. Were they strange? Obviously they were exhilarating and unbelievably special. But once the excitement was brought under control… was it weird to have him home? I think it's going to be a little strange - in the best way possible. Not strange or weird in a bad way. It's just been five months of an entirely new routine and way of life. I'm used to doing it all on my own so it'll be interesting to see how quickly I'm able to relinquish some of the responsibilities. I hope this isn't coming off bad. I'm ridiculously excited and it's going to be the best weird of my life. Just weird. At least for a few days/weeks.

I have so many thoughts about deployments and this deployment in general. Their affect on the families, on the servicemen and women, on our pets. But this really isn't the time for that. I'm sure you understand I need to be much further removed before I'm ready to talk too openly about that.

That's my dad. And the cabin.

As for the cabin, my dad and stepmom did A LOT of it, but they did not build it. They bought the existing structure and land from a very tall man in Montana who now lives down the street and wants nothing more in life than to be a grandfather. His name is Bob and he built the cabin. When my dad purchased it, the main floor had a bathroom, a bedroom, and a living room/kitchen great room. It also had a basement that was a big, giant garage. They turned that big, giant garage into a much smaller garage and a bedroom, another (beautiful) bathroom, a great room, a mudroom, and two sleeping lofts. All in all, they added a queen bed, four twins, one full, a crib, and a spot to add another full sized bed. And it's beautiful.

I left Montana feeling excited, refreshed and a little sad. I didn't want to leave the cabin or the mountains or the snow or the thin, cold air. But most importantly, I wasn't ready to leave my family. I completely understand your sense of longing. I think it was especially strong this time for two reasons: 1) I was coming home to an empty house with no husband for a few more weeks and 2) there is just something about having a baby that makes you want that baby to be around family.

So yes, Christmas was wonderful, Montana was great, and I was not ready to leave. And my New Year's Eve? I actually thought to myself "I can stay up as late as I want to! I don't have to work tomorrow! I can watch a movie!" So I started a movie, and turned it off at 10. I slept through the ball dropping. But it was kind of nice. Just another night. And I got lots of rest, which I never complain about. Your NYE sounds imperfectly perfect. I guess that's just part of growing up, huh?

Your grown up friend,
Mallory

being thankful for a year.

Mallory.

I am so glad your trip to Michigan went well. Did it make you miss Michigan more? I hope it rejuvenated you. I hope you were able to absorb some love from your family and friends. I am so happy you got some snow, too! And I am so glad that you are back.

My Thanksgiving was pretty unconventional, as it always is. Ever since marrying Aaron, our Thanksgiving has been unimpressive and very nontraditional. Year one was spent getting drunk at my cousin's house. The next year was awkwardly celebrated with Aaron's friends while he worked [one of the attendees turned out to be a former skinhead which gave me nightmares for a long time]. That third year we... God, I have no idea what we did that year. The fourth year he was traveling back to the States after a deployment and I was a bundle of emotions, as you may remember. Last year was spent with my sister! And this year I conned Aaron into picking up a pizza on his way home from work [9PM] because I had spent the entire day cleaning.

You know, now that I think about it, it was very modern-American of me.

But yes, please. Let's talk about what we're thankful for.

First, I am thankful for this crazy family that I am somehow blessed to know. Genetically and by marriage, my family is pretty incredible. Like any other family, they drive me absolutely bonkers, but I really do love them. They are selfless and over-exuberant in the love that they give Aaron and me. They teach us lessons both knowingly and unknowingly. They have infectious laughter and incredible life experiences to learn from and bear hugs that make us feel just how strongly they care for us. They make our life beautiful.

Top photo: my mom, me, Aaron. Northwest Trek.

Bottom photo: Mike (Aaron's brother) and Aaron. Museum of Flight

Secondly, I am incredibly grateful for the adventures 2013 gave our little family.

Chuck & I in the Badlands.

Third: Aaron. We discovered this year that it's a lot harder to get pregnant than they ever tell you. And I will also say that infertility has taught us more than anything else this year. It has taught us how strong we are as a couple and as individuals. Infertility has taught us communication. Infertility has taught us patience. It has taught us the limits of that patience. Infertility has taught us what anger is and what disappointment feels like. It has taught us to laugh more and to cry more freely. It has also taught me that Aaron is my man and he is mine alone. I am so happy with my decision to make him mine--babies or no.

Fourth, I am so thankful for the ability to laugh. Through the years, Aaron has taught me the beauty that is a beautifully crafted dirty joke. And I have shown him that I have been paying attention; I am an expert at delivering the surprise dirty joke. Aaron has taught me to laugh at myself. Because I can be an idiot. And I have learned to laugh at not just what Aaron says, but what he does as well. What is life without laughter? A waste. That's what I've learned.

I'm all, "Let's take a photo!" And he's like, "Okay." And I'm like, "Smile!"

And he makes that face.

Fifth, I am so, so grateful for friends. Like, incredibly grateful. I could write a book about this, but throughout this year, I have had to lean on friends for advice and laughter and hugs. All of which requires vulnerability, something I am not good at showing but something that my friends are great at receiving. I love my friends. I love the old friends I've had since I could barely walk. I love the friends I acquired in college [Mallory!]. I love the friends I have made from our moves. I love the friends I have made through the internet.

Kate Yo & I celebrating Fourth of July.

I'm getting a bit choked up. This year was a good year for growing. For learning about myself and Aaron and the world we live in.

It was a good year.

I am so thankful for you, Mallory. I think you are the person I have talked to most this year [aside from Aaron]. I'm not necessarily talking about quantity, but more so quality [even though we do talk every day]. There was a day during the beginning of the year. I was working at the art museum, guarding a gallery and speaking with patrons. I could feel something brewing under the surface all day. There was a lump in my throat and my eyes felt especially watery. I wanted very badly to find my supervisor and make up some lie about a stomach bug or an emergency. It just was not a day to be around people. I took a lot of bathroom breaks to hide in the stall and collect myself. There was no specific reason for this emotional tumult. I just was. Thoughts of babies and questioning the future and stress [always stress]. And I was sitting in this chair in front of a closed gallery. I was texting you about what was happening and you were so patient. I know you were working and probably didn't appreciate my text messages, but it was one of those days where I needed someone. I needed someone to talk me down and listen and talk me through it. And you were that person--you always seem to be that person. And I just lost it. I remember jumping up from the chair and finding a corner of the gallery where the cameras wouldn't see me, and I just broke down. And I don't know if you knew, but you never stopped texting me. You just listened. You never called me crazy. You were sympathetic, even in your inability to know how much and how badly I was hurting. A week later a box of caramels arrived at my home and you had included a note that said something like, "These are for bad days." Because you knew it wasn't a constant hurting. You understood that it tends to build up and bubble over and leave me breathless. A few weeks after that you sent me a Mother's Day card. There was a brief note on the inside that said something like, "I can't imagine how hard this day must be for you. I'm thinking of you."

Thank you so much for being so genuine and handling my vulnerability with a gentle heart. This year would have absolutely blown without you. The universe seems to have known that I needed a friend like you during all of this, and I am just so impressed that they found a friend for me who seems to get me so well.

Thank you for sticking by my side through a truly tough year. Your friendship means the absolute world to me.

Amy

It's not all bad.

Dear Mallory,

It’s funny you asked for the things I like about the military. Strangely enough, quite a few people lately have shown an interest in learning about life in the military. I never know how to answer. It’s so complicated. Nothing could have prepared me for the roller coaster that is life as a military spouse. At the same time, though, if I were any different from my independent, opinionated, adventurous nature, I would crumble under the weight of this life. Do you have a way of answering the questions and interest? If you were any different, do you think you would thrive in this culture?

 That dead, rough PNW summer grass.

What do I like about the military? Not much, but I have found that, as much as moving makes my head spin, I love getting orders. I love planning out the road trip. I love hitting the road and moving into new spaces. I like exploring new cities and states. I like living within this military culture and, at the same time, adjusting to regional cultures. The Midwest is different from Southern California is different from the Pacific Northwest is different from the South. I like discovering that the desert is actually extremely cold at night and during the winter. I like watching the grass die and wither away in the Pacific Northwest climate. I’m looking forward to the South’s humidity [it’s been so long]. I like adventure.

I also like the decisions the military has forced me to make. We eloped because we didn’t know if we’d be able to have a traditional wedding. My dad wrote and led our wedding ceremony because we were married and I didn’t want to hire an officiant for my wedding. I drove my crap from MI to Edwards AFB, reserved a house on base, and flew back to MI all in a week while Aaron was in Afghanistan because we didn’t want to deal with the process days after returning from his deployment. We took regular trips to Las Vegas while at Edwards AFB because, well, when else were we going to want to visit? 

He's mine.

I like the questions that press on my psyche thanks to the military. What is the mission of each deployment base? Aaron’s job in Afghanistan restricted him to working on base—and on base only—so what did he do all day? He worked with locals; did he make any friends? In Aaron’s opinion, why do some veterans return with PTSD while others don’t? If they’re being rocket-attacked at night, what sort of precautions do they take? Was he able to eat any local faire? Why aren’t Officers allowed to work as SFS? What do all of those acronyms even mean?!

Actually, I really like that, after these 6.5 years of Aaron’s service, I’m able to understand most of the military jargon that he uses. It’s especially fun to talk to my parents about PCSing and BOP and SIM rounds and Red Man suits and TDYs and the difference between officers and enlisted and forts and AFBs, etc. I think all of it is confusing and impressive and frustrating for civilians, but this is our life.

What do you like about the military? What frustrates you? If you could change one thing, what would it be?

Amy

[If any readers have any questions or comments or concerns about life as a military spouse, feel free to leave them in the comments. We would be more than happy to answer them.]

I'm "that" dog owner.

Dear Mallory,

I want to be completely truthful with you, so I'm starting this letter by saying: I have no idea what you're going through. None whatsoever. When I was 6-years old, my parents rehomed our crazy black Cocker Spaniel to a family with a farm and grown children and time. Unfortunately, I was happy to see that crazy scoundrel go because she spent most of her time either (a) trying to bite my feet while I watched Full House on the couch or (b) jumping on me in the pool. Also, and I may be remembering this incorrectly, but I believe she tried to join me in the bathtub once.

But I know how much you love Duke. We've spent an embarrassing amount of time discussing our weird obsessions with our dogs. So if I know you and your relationship with your dog like I think I do, I know you're a total mess right now. And I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you had to rehome him. I'm sorry you had to make that decision. I'm sorry the military doesn't have some sort of dog walking service on base that you could have utilized. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. I know you wouldn't have wanted to cry in front of me, but I would have insisted on hugging you and comforting you with cookies.

Above: A trip to one of Tacoma's institutions, Frisko Freeze.

Below: Chuck, short for Charlotte, trying to understand the appeal of chairs.

10-month old Mini Bull Terrier-Pit Bull mix.

The idea of being separated from Hurley before fate intervenes [read: I know that he will die someday, but I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with it, so I use elaborate ways of discussing his impending demise. I am that dog owner] makes me feel physically ill. And while my bond with Chuck isn't as strong as it is with Hurley [hello! Hurley and I have cuddled and cried our way through a 7 month deployment together], it's getting there. And I just can't imagine. I don't trust anyone else with my dogs and I honestly think you are so brave to trust someone else with Duke. I know they're family and I know they're exercising him and loving him and feeding him and all of those important things, but the decision to allow them to keep him for 6 months took a lot of guts, Mallory. A lot. And I admire you for it. It really would have been selfish to keep him "with you" during Jon's deployment and your travels. There is a lot put on your plate when a spouse deploys, and I don't blame you at all.

Above: Hurley, the 4-year old wonder, huffing the air. 

Below: The one and only time Hurley has ever initiated cuddling with Chuck.

Pit Bull-Boxer-English Bulldog mix.

How are you feeling today? Any better? Same? Worse? I'm virtually hugging you right now. Right now. Have you been able to Skype with him? I know it seems ridiculous, but I would. I think you should. Do you get regular updates? Is someone texting photos to you? How is Jon doing with it all? I know you were worried about Harry becoming afraid of dogs--purely from not being around them every day--do you have a friend with a dog that he'll be able to spend time with?

I admire you, Mallory. I really do. I know you feel like a horrible person right now, but I think you are one of the most selfless people I have ever met [if not the most selfless]. You stay strong, girl. Text me when you need to be reassured of your decision. Lean on Jon when you feel like you're going to crumble. And do not adopt another dog. Just don't. One, along with a cat, is good enough.

Amy

Duke the Dog

Dear Amy,

Duke the puppy

In the summer of 2008, Jon and I, not yet married (or even engaged), began our own little family. Jon, who had always wanted a german shepherd, found the perfect little dude not far from his parents house and talked me into going to see him. A few days later, we had Duke.

Duke was a sweet puppy. His feet were too big for his body, his ears were even bigger than his feet. He used to somersault as an attempt to remove his collar and leash. He was afraid of sprinklers, loved my grandparents golden retriever, Beau, and fell asleep more than once with his back legs on the ground and his front paws and head on a chair.

He was SO teeny!

Shortly (literally, a week) after Duke came home with us, Jon went away for a month long training. I was left with this little puppy and a heart that missed my love. Duke and I bonded big time during that month. He slept at the foot of my bed, he went for lots of walks with me, he even drove to the post office with me every single day, in order to send a letter to Jon.

It's been five years since we brought that spunky little puppy home. He's grown into a ridiculously well behaved dog. Seriously, Harry shoves his hands in Duke's eyes and mouth, and Duke just lays there. Harry drops food right in front of Duke's keen nose, and he leaves it until we tell him to get it. Duke will even stop mid-run while chasing after a squirrel if we tell him to.

These two are seriously the best of friends now.

Yesterday, we sent Duke to Michigan to live with Jon's family for six months. Jon is getting ready to deploy in the next few months, and we knew this would be the best for Duke. While Jon's away, I'll have a full time job, a full time baby, a full time house, two cars, a cat, and a yard to take care of. Not to mention bills, grocery shopping, cleaning, and all the other things that don't seem like that big of a deal until you're the only one doing them. And Duke is never quite right when Jon leaves. He's still a ridiculously sweet and loving dog, but he stresses, and then turns into the work of three Duke's. And aside from all that, I will be traveling a bit while Jon's deployed, and Duke is becoming increasingly turned off to the boarder.

All that to say, we sent our first baby to live in Michigan for six months. Six months. Half a year. Without my sweet boy. Needless to say, today I'm a bit of a mess. It's too quiet in the house. There are bits of fur on my carpet I don't want to vacuum up yet. Little things, like getting ice for my water, or opening the closet to get my shoes, or picking up Harry's toys before we go upstairs are eliciting a full fledge breakdown.

I know in my head, this is the best. Duke needs attention I won't be able to give him. He's got four people up there who absolutely adore him and will treat him better than a prince (shout out to the new HRH the Price of Cambridge). A stable environment. But man does my heart ache. It (that dang heart) is second guessing this decision every minute. It wanted to call the whole thing off a week ago. It only made it up to the landing on the stairs - just out of Duke's sight - before completely breaking down. My heart just isn't sure.

I love all 80lbs of this dog.

It's amazing, isn't it? How much pets really are family. You know how it is with your two pups... they truly are your kin. Sure, Duke drives me crazy when he barks at anything that moves... especially when I'm trying to get Harry to sleep. Or when he chews up a stuffed banana, which just so happens to be Harry's favorite toy. Or when he steps on my foot for the sixtieth time in one day. But man, that dog is loved. The tears which have been streaming down my face all day are proof of that.

Have you ever had to rehome a pet? Even temporarily, it tears you to shreds, doesn't it? How do you deal with something like that? Duke has always been my big, cuddly bear when Jon's gone and I'm sad. How am I going to deal with Jon being gone, feeling sad, AND missing Duke?

Counting down the days until Duke comes home,
xo, Mallory

The things I would do over.

Dear Mallory,

First off, I'm going to echo the cinematographer vote. I don't know if I would have wanted one for the wedding celebration we threw in 2009, but I really wish we had had someone following us around while we were eloping. I was hyper-focused that day, so I can remember most of the day. The little details, though? Gone. What were some of the things my dad told us? What was the joke the judge told my mom when she was signing as a witness? Was there anyone else in the restaurant or am I just imagining that we were the only ones? The video would not only be something I would cherish, but I know my best girl friends and my siblings would have loved to watch it.

To answer your questions, though, we told people slo-o-owly that we had eloped. After Aaron's first [really 9th] deployment was cancelled in September, we decided it would be easier to tell people. As opposed to switching the wedding celebration around a million times without help [three. We switched it three times. And it was three times too many]. It didn't help that Aaron's parents were so excited they told everyone they could. [Telling everyone is the opposite of keeping a secret, guys.] [In retrospect, I find this to be completely endearing.] My college friends were the only ones that seemed to be a little peeved, which I expected. My absolute closest friends, though, were not surprised. In fact, I think every single one of them said something along the lines of, "You would elope, Ames."

My favorite dress of all time.

The most memorable moment from that day was when Aaron said "...waffley wedded wife..." and everyone, including the judge, giggled. Also, let it be noted that Aaron has no memory of completely squeezing the life out of my hands during the courthouse ceremony. Additionally, I called the courthouse in advance to find out if we could exchange personal vows. They said no, there wouldn't be any time. And what happened during the ceremony? The judge stopped everything and was all, "Do you have any vows you'd like to exchange?" Honestly, the thoughts running through my mind were, Stop it. You have got to be kidding me. Are you kidding me?! So I have this little message for the State of California: You are a liar.

So the things I would do differently? I would either insist our siblings could attend the elopement or not invite anyone except a cinematographer and a professional photographer. I would have gotten my hair done. I would have agreed with Aaron and taken the 23rd off so we could spend the day together. I would have carried flowers. I maybe would have insisted on driving the three hours to Vegas to elope with a fake Elvis in attendance. I mean, we were close enough! But the thing I really would redo all over again? I wouldn't have a wedding celebration. I would have just lived with the elopement. I wanted the big white dress and my best friends and my siblings and dancing, but I learned afterwards that it's overrated. The only thing I needed and wanted was Aaron, and I had him. Corny, but true.

Your wedding dress is so you. I'm so glad you were brave enough to stick with it! And, if it makes you feel any better, the wedding dress I got for my wedding celebration was the fourth dress I tried on. It was the first one I had liked and I announced, "This is it." And that was it. Sometimes you just know and that's okay, ladies. That dress up there? It was the second dress I tried on and I seriously almost went with a flowy, lacy, peasant-type dress. Thank god my mom talked me out of that one. Eesh.

Anything else you want to share? I never did learn what your wedding song was! Should we talk about birthdays now? Because I'm turning 27 tomorrow and I'm kind of excited. Our roommate, Kate Yo, is hosting a small birthday party for me on Friday and it's the first birthday party I've had since I was in middle school. And I ordered a really cute maxi skirt from ASOS.

Your seemingly party-crazed friend [but not really],
Amy

Don't Buy Your Wedding Dress the Day You Try It On

Dear Amy,

Yes. I danced (and sang, oh my.) to the Spice Girls at my wedding. And no it was not planned. We are really just that good for each other. MFEO (name that movie!)

My favorite wedding picture. c/o Erica Hampton

I love your story. Oy to the military, first of all, but go you for embracing it. I know so many couples who had to change plans at the last minute (moving a wedding up 4 months... giving them a week to pull it all together) thanks to changing Orders. Yes I capitalized Orders. Because when a little sheet of paper has that much power over your life, it needs to be capitalized.

When did you tell all of your reception guests that you were, ahem, already married? Did they take it well? I swear, I don't think I'll ever get over the romance of elopements. I've got a secret dream to elope (can I elope with Jon now that we're already married? People have second weddings and vow renewals all the time, right?) in some fabulous City Hall, like San Francisco, and then go get some delicious brunch. French toast + fruit. With fabulous flowers, a cute little dress, and just a handful of my loves. And a cinematographer. Because dang it if I could do it all over again, I would hire a freaking cinematographer.

So that is my advice: Hire a freaking wedding cinematographer. Just do it. Make the room in your budget. Uninvite your college roommates cousin. Cut down the menu. Go with candles instead of flowers. But hire a wedding cinematographer. (Side note, how terrible is that about your wedding shoes?! I would be devastated. Especially considering how cute those things were.) Wedding films get me going every single time, and I almost never know the couple in the film. Imagine the boxes of tissue I'd go through anytime I watched our (nonexistent) film.

And yes, we planned our wedding from 1,200 miles away in Colorado (we got married in Ann Arbor, MI). It was crazy, because we did it in five months. I met my photographer in my underwear the day of my wedding. I never met my florist (I didn't even pick out my flowers! I sent my mom and sister to find me a sunflower bouquet and white flowers for mah ladies). The venue was never seen, the food never tasted, the dj (who turned out to be my sisters ex-boyfriend (!!!)) was never introduced to us. All I can say is thank god for the internet. And for other over excited brides in MI who wanted to share every detail of their planning process with me. It was a whirlwind from afar.

The one detail I was able to plan for was my dress. But that is a story in and of itself. I'm no dummy. I've been obsessed with weddings since my first viewing of Father of the Bride. I knew, don't buy the first dress you try on. But what did I do? I bought (one of) the first dresses I tried on. On the spot, which is another big no no. I loved it. My mom didn't. But we bought it anyway, from the very first shop we went to, the very first day we went shopping.

And then I went home and cried my eyes out to Jon that it was the wrong dress and I was so stupid for buying it and I didn't get to have the dress trying on experience I wanted.

Luckily, I decided to stick with it, because I really loved my dress in the long run. After removing the straps and hemming it like six inches (who knew I was so short?) it was perfect for me, for our wedding, for the warm July day. Do you have any stories like that? Or were you smart enough to sleep on all big decisions?

Would you ever renew your vows? Or maybe just have a crazy good anniversary party one day? I have always wanted to throw a giant, fun anniversary party one day when we have more money for frivolous things like anniversary shindigs. Don't get me wrong, our wedding was perfect, but we were poor college students at the time. We were on a bah-udget. I used to want to do a giant Gatsby-ish party, complete with white tent, 12-piece band, lots of pretty flowers and warm candles. And I would wear a gold dress. But now that Gatsby is so trendy, I'm rethinking it. Maybe we'll do something else. Something a little more unique. Either way, we're partying like it's 2009 (our wedding year) one day. And you're invited.

Okay, our anniversary trip. We always wanted to go to Eastern Europe for our five year trip. Budapest, Vienna, Prague. But we may end up living in Europe one day, as you know, so we're rethinking it. Right now I think we're leaning toward NYC? Back to Jamaica? Alaska? Time will tell, and you know I'll keep you in the loop.

Okay. Spill it. If you could (had to?) do your wedding all over again, totally different, what would you do?

Your wedding obsessed friend,
Mallory

My nontraditional weddings. Plural.

Dear Mallory,

Update: I am no longer itchy and, therefore, a bit wiser. As of yesterday it was confirmed I am allergic to dogs. What the what?! I nearly cried. My two sweet little pit babies are making my hands balloon to epic proportions? How ironic.

Okay. You danced to the Spice Girls. At your wedding. You sneaky little introvert! That's so hilarious. Even more hilarious is you quieted the Backstreet Boys with the Spice Girls. Best response ever to an assault on the ears ever [I'm an 'NSync fan. Sorry, Jon!]. Are you sure that entire situation wasn't rehearsed? The stars just aligned and gave you the perfect moment to counter your new husband's serenade? Well, if you two aren't just a match made in heaven...

But seriously, that wasn't planned...?

Also, I said it on Instagram, and I'll say it again, Hot mom alert! I'm not the biggest fan of dressing up [shocking, I know. I just like to wear whatever makes me comfortable, which means I will always prefer sweatpants over high heels], but I love when you get to dress up and you own it. You know? Like, Tyra Banks is whispering in your ear, Fierce! SO fierce! as you strut your way into the restaurant with your hottie husband on your arm. It looks like you had that kind of evening. Also, you made me crave a good steak. What is that about? My vegetarian palate is in need of some bloody protein is what.

[Readers! Psst! You can follow me on Instagram at freeasabear.]

So yeah. That guy up there? I eloped with him. How lucky am I? [You don't have to answer that.] So far, the first way we're going to celebrate our anniversary is spend the entire day together. Since we eloped, our anniversary has been nothing more than deployments and moves and questions of, "You're home? Oh! ...Do we do something special? Want to eat something from a restaurant with food?" So this year we're changing things up and celebrating properly, with intent. We may go to the zoo or an aquarium, followed by a trip to our favorite Seattle eatery. I promise I will share photos and stories. Maybe I'll describe my meal, too, and you can drool all over your keyboard. Maybe.

But what started it all? What brought us to this place of a 5 year anniversary? Good question! I'll tell you: The Military. I don't know how to explain it without going into a really long tangent, so here are some things you need to know:

(1) In June of 2008 I returned to the States after spending a semester in Australia.
(2) I moved in with his cousin in LA for the summer in an effort to be closer to Aaron.
(3) At the end of that summer, I moved back to MI to finish my degree.
(4) Aaron and I started dating in April of 2006. He left for Basic Training December 2006. It was the summer of 2008 and that was the first time since he joined the Air Force that I was even remotely close to him.
(5) He was due to deploy that Fall. [Our expectations were very low. Aaron had been tasked to 8 different deployments before that. All of them were cancelled. Some mere days before he was due to fly to Iraq/Afghanistan/UAE/Qatar/etc.]

Okay. So you got all of that, right? With the deployment looming and my final semester in my sights, we decided to go ahead and elope because we honestly didn't know when we would get married. [For you readers out there: Most couples in the military can attest to the difficulty of planning a wedding--just picking a date, let alone finding a dress, a caterer, a DJ, blah blah blah--when there's a war and 2000 miles separating you and the seemingly small task of Leave and college on top of the normal wedding planning pressures.] I decided I wanted the elopement to be a secret. In my convoluted mind, I thought family wouldn't come to our big wedding reception in Michigan if they knew we had eloped and they hadn't been invited. It was one of those sensitive-soul-situations. We invited our parents. My mom flew out and helped me find my wedding dress at United Colors of Benetton. Aaron's cousin acted as the very unofficial wedding photographer. We invited a few of Aaron's Air Force buddies who we knew--without a doubt--wouldn't be able to attend any additional celebration that might take place back in Michigan. And then, July 23rd, the day after, we went back to work. It was strange, but I really did love how the elopement unfolded. It was all so...fluttery. At least, that's the perfect way to describe how I felt that day. It was secretive [which is always exciting] and nontraditional and quick and sweet and I was filled with butterflies.

Long tangent not done, apparently...

October 30, 2009.

And while we don't celebrate October 30th, the day we had our big wedding reception back in Michigan [2009], I do always holler something about "FOUR YEARS AGO THERE WAS A ROARING THUNDERSTORM AND WE WERE IN A BIG BARN AND I HAD FORGOTTEN THE CAKE CUTTING KNIFE! REMEMBER THAT, BEAR?!" In an effort to make this short and sweet so I can hear more about your wedding [you planned it from afar?! How did that work out? Where did you find your dress? I love that you had sunflowers, by the way. What is your wedding song? [it's actually weird to me that I don't know what your wedding song is, is that weird [there are too many parentheses up in here]]], I would have to say my favorite part of our wedding reception was the blessing my dad led. I desperately wanted a personalized ceremony. The one conducted by the judge felt so sterile and unemotional. So I asked my dad to lead a blessing. He adapted an Irish blessing, asked our guests to raise their hands, and read it nearly unwaveringly. It was, just like our elopement, nontraditional and completely us. And we were both in tears [the memory always makes me melt a little].

If you could give a bride-to-be wedding planning advice, what would it be? Mine would be: Don't leave your beautiful suede purple wedding day pumps on the floor of your closet with the door open, making it very easy for your new puppy to turn them into a chew toy. True story. Where would you like to go on your 5 year anniversary trip? What other things are you burning to tell me?!

Eagerly,
Amy

PS: I think this conversation is going to continue longer than we expect. As a college friend once said: WEDDINGS! GRRR! [That's a good thing.]

The Spice Girls, Marriage, and Other Things

Dear Amy,

Let's do this.

We did. Photo credit: Erica Hampton

I had already said "I do," kissed my husband, listened to the toasts, cut the cake, danced with my dad, and had spent some of the first moments of my married life on the dance floor, dancing like a fool. And then. The Backstreet Boys showed up. Or, more accurately, Jon and four of his guy friends. Dancing (Jon's dance was complete with thumbs hooked on the suspenders) and singing their hearts out to 'Backstreet's Back.' I wasn't the only one laughing harder than I'd ever laughed before.

And then, my sister ran over to me and grabbed my arm. "I think the Spice Girls are here too." That was all she had to say. We ran to the DJ who promptly cut the boys song for a special announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I have just been informed that the Spice Girls are here. Sorry boys..." And the lyrics to 'Wannabe' blasted through that barn. My bridesmaids and I took center stage and gave it to The Backstreet Boys. Game, Set, Match.

Oh Amy. This week is going to be fun. First of all, congratulations on five years. That is SO exciting. What are you going to do to celebrate? Jon and I always say we're going to take a mini-honeymoon every five years. I think you guys could use one too. Maybe back to Hawaii. Just do it.

Okay, so you eloped five years ago. (Oh my goodness, have I ever told you how jealous I am of that?! Seriously. I loved my wedding, and the way we did everything, but would I have said no to an extra sweet little ceremony with just us two? Absolutely not.) Why? Was it a military thing? What about your reception? Do you celebrate that date? Tell me all about BOTH of these weddings. Please?

I'm with you. I obviously love weddings. I mean, it's my day job. But marriages are where it's at. (Please forgive the preposition at the end of that sentence.) I love seeing two lives meld into one. Two people grow into better friends, lovers, partners. It's the most important relationship you get to choose in your whole life, and I love to see it work so well.

Right before our first night out!

We did celebrate our anniversary last week, and since we were staying at my father's house, it will be very easy for me to keep the recap PG. Ha. I wore the same dress I wore last year, and felt SO skinny, considering last year Harry was wearing that dress too. I loved it. I love dressing up (do you?). We went out to Chop House in Ann Arbor, MI (have you been there? OMG) and had, without a doubt, the best steak of our lives. And best French onion soup, and wedge salad, and scallops... I'm drooling.

But it was also the first time we had ever left Harry. Both of us. At the same time. To say I was nervous is an understatement. I knew my dad and stepmom had it under control. They had raised 5 of us, and they love that kid something wild. But Harry has been doing this thing where he wakes up 3/4 hours after he goes down to eat again. So I was worried, considering I had no bottles to leave, and I was taking the milk source with me. He did awesome though. We put him to sleep before we left, and he had moved only enough to open one hand the whole time we were gone. What a relief.

I can't wait to hear more about your wedding. How was planning from afar? We did the same thing. It was a blessing because we didn't really have many options to be picky... but tough because I always dreamt about planning my wedding, and I was a little sad to miss out on some of the planning aspects. How did the logistics work for planning TWO weddings?

xoxo my friend,
Mallory

PS Our vacation was great. Too busy. Way too busy. But so great to see family, and so so wonderful to be in Michigan this time of year. I feel like I could write a whole post about the fireflies and the fireworks and the bonfires and the weather (oh the weather. So much better than Mississippi). I miss it already.

Life, love, and wedding anniversaries.

Dear Mallory,

A little disclaimer: I have been listening to Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" over and over and over all morning. Also, I'm terribly itchy thanks to orders from my doctor to "not take Zyrtec" and to show up for my allergist appointment tomorrow ready for needle sticking and blood sampling and etc. Therefore I'm jittery and want to rip my skin off. God help me.

I am so glad you got to spend time with your family in Michigan last week! There are certain holidays that should be celebrated with extended family and the Fourth is one of them, at least in my opinion. Did you just soak up your time there? I love Michigan's summer days, but the nights are my absolute favorite. The firefly peppered darkness accompanied by the chorus of crickets and the occasional ribbity frog. Sitting on a porch, drinking something chilled. Maybe a bonfire or a thunderstorm. Did you see any of the Great Lakes? I miss them so much! Did Harry enjoy meeting family?

Not wearing red or white, unfortunately.

Our Fourth was colder than expected, so I ran around in a sweatshirt and jeans. There were a few boat rides, one with Aaron trailing behind us on a wake board. I got to watch a toddler waddle around in a lifejacket and a chocolate lab swim after departing boats. While watching Boy Meets World I listened to neighbors set off fireworks. It was very low-key, which is exactly my style.

But let's talk about your anniversary. Four years! Did you guys do anything fun [and, for the sake of sharing, PG rated] to celebrate? Did you get dressed up? You mentioned you were leaving Harry with family for the evening, how did that go? I know for some people it's only 4 years or only 5 years or only 7 years, but for the military couple it's more like, Only 4 years?! It feels much longer... [In the best possible way, of course.]

July 22, 2008 // Redondo Beach, CA

On July 22, Aaron and I are celebrating 5 years! Which is blowing my mind. Five years ago on June 28, 2008, Aaron proposed on Santa Monica Beach. A month later we eloped. It all happened so quickly, but the time since then has passed at a different speed all together. There's been so much laughter and quite a few tears, moves and dogs and deployments and arguments and celebrations and car troubles and difficult conversations and dancing [so much dancing] and singing and I love it all.

Do you have a fun fact about your wedding or marriage? A favorite memory? An adventure Jon and you have embarked on? I love wedding days, but also love watching a marriage grow and develop and become stronger; couples falling more in love, strengthening their friendship, admiring and trusting and supporting one another.

I really admire your marriage, Mallory!

Your continuously sappy friend,
Amy