My Halloween.

Thought you should know. Ain't no shame in my Halloween game. But really, I hope yours was a better, funner Halloween.

Is January a Depressing Month?

Dear Amy,

I feel like I haven't really talked to you in such a long time! How are you? Are you enjoying January? I've heard that January is the most depressing month of the year… I suppose I could understand, with the holidays ending and the dreary winter days just beginning. I've always loved January though, with my birthday at the very end, and now with Harry's birthday on the 9th, I especially love January.

The day he left. Harry looks so little here.

I've been busy. I'm expecting a great, big homecoming next week. One I've been waiting almost five months for. (Side note, I realized the other day that I find myself shrugging the time off like it's really not a big deal when I talk to people who have dealt with deployments before. Why??? It is a freaking big deal. Five months is a long time to go without your best friend/partner/spouse. It doesn't matter if someone else deployed for six months, nine months, 12 months. Any deployment is hard and is a long time.) Anyway, busy. For two reasons: I'm getting ready for Jon to be home. Cleaning, organizing, playing with my kid all the while. And I'm finding tasks to keep myself busy. Because, as you know, I'd go crazy if I weren't busy.

I'm curious about your reunions with Aaron after deployments. Were they strange? Obviously they were exhilarating and unbelievably special. But once the excitement was brought under control… was it weird to have him home? I think it's going to be a little strange - in the best way possible. Not strange or weird in a bad way. It's just been five months of an entirely new routine and way of life. I'm used to doing it all on my own so it'll be interesting to see how quickly I'm able to relinquish some of the responsibilities. I hope this isn't coming off bad. I'm ridiculously excited and it's going to be the best weird of my life. Just weird. At least for a few days/weeks.

I have so many thoughts about deployments and this deployment in general. Their affect on the families, on the servicemen and women, on our pets. But this really isn't the time for that. I'm sure you understand I need to be much further removed before I'm ready to talk too openly about that.

That's my dad. And the cabin.

As for the cabin, my dad and stepmom did A LOT of it, but they did not build it. They bought the existing structure and land from a very tall man in Montana who now lives down the street and wants nothing more in life than to be a grandfather. His name is Bob and he built the cabin. When my dad purchased it, the main floor had a bathroom, a bedroom, and a living room/kitchen great room. It also had a basement that was a big, giant garage. They turned that big, giant garage into a much smaller garage and a bedroom, another (beautiful) bathroom, a great room, a mudroom, and two sleeping lofts. All in all, they added a queen bed, four twins, one full, a crib, and a spot to add another full sized bed. And it's beautiful.

I left Montana feeling excited, refreshed and a little sad. I didn't want to leave the cabin or the mountains or the snow or the thin, cold air. But most importantly, I wasn't ready to leave my family. I completely understand your sense of longing. I think it was especially strong this time for two reasons: 1) I was coming home to an empty house with no husband for a few more weeks and 2) there is just something about having a baby that makes you want that baby to be around family.

So yes, Christmas was wonderful, Montana was great, and I was not ready to leave. And my New Year's Eve? I actually thought to myself "I can stay up as late as I want to! I don't have to work tomorrow! I can watch a movie!" So I started a movie, and turned it off at 10. I slept through the ball dropping. But it was kind of nice. Just another night. And I got lots of rest, which I never complain about. Your NYE sounds imperfectly perfect. I guess that's just part of growing up, huh?

Your grown up friend,
Mallory

Impostors and gym rats.

Mallory! Hello!

First thing's first: I have no idea what I did to my shoulder. I think I strained something while lifting [that makes me sound like such a jerk]. All I know is, I asked Aaron for a shoulder rub repeatedly and they didn't provide any relief, so the strain was in my shoulder. Good news: it's healed. I know because I did some pull-ups tonight and nothing hurt [aside from muscles burning].

Also, I wish something cool happened while Christmas tree hunting, but our Christmas tree "hunt" comprised of a quick trip to The Home Depot for the cheapest fake, pre-lit Christmas tree we could find. Bonus points if we found a white Christmas tree (we did not). I don't know why I felt compelled to purchase a fake. I grew up with real Christmas trees--sometimes two at a time in one year! But I just felt weird about purchasing a real Christmas tree, one that took so many years to grow to desirable-Christmas tree size, only to bring it home and let it die a dry, dry death. I love a house with a real Christmas tree! I do! But I couldn't do it this year. I think it's the activist in me. She is constantly rearing her yelling, picket sign-wielding, exasperated face. Try as I might, I can't shut her up. And poor Aaron. He wanted a real Christmas tree. But when I explained myself, he laughed, and gave up the fight. I guess my explanation just took all the fun out of Christmas?

The Impostor.

Oh well.

Most importantly: Your photos are beautiful. And such a great indication of a much-needed and well-rested vacation. I want to sleep in the little picture window Harry seems to have favored. How much time do you think was spent in that one spot? Also, I've been wondering, did your dad and his wife build their cabin? I am so intrigued. It seems like a dream come true. Who wouldn't want to build their vacation spot?

Did you leave feeling refreshed? Homesick for family? Ready to go home? Dreaming? We talk about it a lot, but we are introverts. I find, though, that after a really good vacation or visit from a friend or hang out (etc.), I'm actually left with a sense of longing. Like I wish it could go on forever. I will walk around my house in a haze of despondency. I will sit in the airport with a feeling of disconnection. I will drive away from my family and friends with panic rising in my throat.

Why? Is it a spiritual thing? Is my soul longing for more of that connection? Or is it a psychological thing? Like, maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself to want those interactions, which was brought on by years of guilt from not wanting a thriving social life and all of that? I really can't figure it out. Am I alone in this? If I am, that's fine. I've always wondered, though. And looking through your photos I had to wonder if you had a similar tug of war post-good bye.

Top: Our New Year Eve celebration started at the gym. Gym rats.

Bottom: French 75s!

How was your New Year? Did you do anything extraordinary? Aaron and I made fancy drinks and fell asleep at 11:30PM. It was very anticlimactic. Oh, in between there we watched CSI. We really know how to party. [We don't even really like CSI.]

Happy New Year!

Amy

A Montana Recap.

Hi Amy!

I loved our impromptu hiatus too. So needed. As you know, I was in Montana, and a week without the glare of the computer was called for. It was so refreshing. But more on that in a minute.

First of all, I'm sorry that you guys couldn't go anywhere. I'm pretty sure I know why, and let me just say, BS. You guys deserve a nice vacation. I'm just saying. Maybe to Europe. Germany maybe.

The cabin.

What did you do to your shoulder friend?! Was it Christmas tree hunting related? Actually, do you guys do real trees or have a fake one? I went against my better judgement this year and got another real one, and man. I wish I would have done a fake one. Harry has done nothing but pull the lights off the tree and put them in his mouth or around his neck (yikes!) and the pine needles have all but killed my vacuum.

View from the top of the hill. Heaven, right?

So yes, Harry and I trekked up to Montana for the week. How do I describe the week? Let's just say I cried like a baby in the Atlanta airport on the way home. It was especially hard for me to leave that place. First of all, mountains are magic to me. Cold, crisp air is my drug. The snow is what I dream about.

My sister and Harry (top) and my dad (bottom).

And the cabin. Oh, it was a dream. So cozy and warm (heated by two wood stoves!) and ridiculously cute. My dad and stepmom did so much of the work to make this place beautiful… they turned a garage into a living room with sleeping lofts, a bathroom a millions times prettier than mine at home, and mudroom, and a bedroom with Burtons hanging on every wall. It was the absolute best place to spend Christmas, and I'm telling you, everything reminded me of Jon. Weird, huh? He's never been there.

Harry's reaction to the snow was priceless. So confused, so we got a blank stare. Then he discovered how great it was, and we weren't so crazy anymore.

Aside from the mountains and the cabin, it was so wonderful spending time with my family. As we all get older I am really realizing that they really are my best friends. They are so much fun to be around and probably the only group of people I'll play Apples to Apples with. And Harry loved every second. He got way too many dates and blueberries and even skipped his nap due to the chocolate chip pancakes he had that morning, but nothing is cooler in his book than sitting on Uncle Dylan's lap.

I mean, that view.

The second half of the week we headed to Big Sky for the boarders, and our hotel was a dream. Seriously, outside our window was the peak. People skied and boarded right passed all day long. Big Sky is amazing and even as a non-skier I loved it. I even got a pedicure. Sparkly gold, thank you very much.

This was right outside our ski-in, ski-out hotel.

So yes, it was an amazing trip. I wasn't ready for the end and it came too quickly, but here we are sitting right at the precipice of the best month of the year. I've got a pretty big birthday to celebrate in about a week (speaking of which, I had better get started on Harry's teepee!), a homecoming that I have been waiting five months for, and a laid back 27th birthday at the end of the month.

Can you believe it's 2014?! What are your plans / hopes / dreams this year? Any vacations on the horizon?

Cheers to you my friend.
Mallory

oh hey. we're still here.

Oh hi Mallory.

We took an impromptu hiatus during this holiday season and I love it. My mind has been so wrapped up in food and gifts and work and no work and dog walks and Aaron's weird schedule and sleeping that I wouldn't have been able to right a cohesive blog post/letter.

I didn't know he was going to smile, so I scowled. Merry Christmas!

Also, I messed up my shoulder at some point last week and sitting at a computer during those initial few days of pain would have been absolute torture.

First things first: YES! I would love to teach you how to knit. I have no idea when we'll have the opportunity to do this, so I suggest a Skype date. We can always hold the lesson on a Saturday during one of Harry's naps [as long as you promise to give me a peak of him sleeping because he just such a cute dreamer].

How was your Christmas?! You went on one of the most beautiful trips to see family. The photos you posted on Instagram? Beautiful. Do you love Montana? Did you explore the Big Sky area? How did Harry like the change of scenery?

We received a record player for Christmas, so we've been record hunting.

The Velvet Underground & Nico collector's limited edition colored vinyl FOR THE WIN!

As you know, I didn't go anywhere for Christmas. My job and Aaron's job wouldn't allow us to leave. It's actually kind of a sore spot for me at the moment, so we'll skip over the topic of the Dieringer's freedom. Actually, let me say this: just because we are without children does not mean we are less of a family and we should, therefore, be afforded the opportunity for leave just like everyone else.

My adorable, cuddly family.

Yeah, you heard that correctly.

Any ways. I can't wait to hear about your trip!

Your eager friend, Amy

So Long 2013.

Amy,

Well you already know that I cried after reading your last letter, but let it be known (to the whole wide world, and/or the internet) that I totally lost it.

I am so thankful for you as well. I'm thankful for the friendship that blossomed out of a few emails and a mutual love for Harry Potter. I'm thankful for a friend who pushes me creatively. I'm thankful for a confidant who just gets it. I'm thankful for your permission to cry. I'm thankful that you drove all the way down here, sacrificing an entire weekend to sit on my couch and drink tea with me. I'm just so dang thankful.

You've had quite a year, and I love your attitude. So many things running the gamut from good to bad have happened to both of us this past year and holy cow. Attitude is everything. Staying positive in the face of unhappy, staying grounded (and giddy) in the face of elation. And allowing a quick breakdown when it's necessary. But a positive, half full attitude really makes a year something to be thankful for.

My 2013, according to Instagram.

Can you believe 2014 is upon us? I can't. In 2014, I'm going to have a one year old. I'm going to be moving. Again. (More on that later though.) I'm going to have a reunion which I've been waiting the last four years for. And so, so much more. Some I can anticipate and some I can not, but it's going to be an adventure.

Are you one for resolutions? I'm not, though I'm constantly trying to improve myself. I don't like to sit down at the beginning of the year and write out a list of all the things I'm doing wrong that I wish I wasn't doing. I usually try my hardest to break those "resolutions" as quickly as possible. But like I said, I'm constantly making sure I'm my best self.

So in 2014 I hope to remain positive and take every challenge as a new adventure. I hope to explore more than I've ever explored before. And I hope to love as hard as I possibly can.

What's 2014 have in store for you?

Mallory

being thankful for a year.

Mallory.

I am so glad your trip to Michigan went well. Did it make you miss Michigan more? I hope it rejuvenated you. I hope you were able to absorb some love from your family and friends. I am so happy you got some snow, too! And I am so glad that you are back.

My Thanksgiving was pretty unconventional, as it always is. Ever since marrying Aaron, our Thanksgiving has been unimpressive and very nontraditional. Year one was spent getting drunk at my cousin's house. The next year was awkwardly celebrated with Aaron's friends while he worked [one of the attendees turned out to be a former skinhead which gave me nightmares for a long time]. That third year we... God, I have no idea what we did that year. The fourth year he was traveling back to the States after a deployment and I was a bundle of emotions, as you may remember. Last year was spent with my sister! And this year I conned Aaron into picking up a pizza on his way home from work [9PM] because I had spent the entire day cleaning.

You know, now that I think about it, it was very modern-American of me.

But yes, please. Let's talk about what we're thankful for.

First, I am thankful for this crazy family that I am somehow blessed to know. Genetically and by marriage, my family is pretty incredible. Like any other family, they drive me absolutely bonkers, but I really do love them. They are selfless and over-exuberant in the love that they give Aaron and me. They teach us lessons both knowingly and unknowingly. They have infectious laughter and incredible life experiences to learn from and bear hugs that make us feel just how strongly they care for us. They make our life beautiful.

Top photo: my mom, me, Aaron. Northwest Trek.

Bottom photo: Mike (Aaron's brother) and Aaron. Museum of Flight

Secondly, I am incredibly grateful for the adventures 2013 gave our little family.

Chuck & I in the Badlands.

Third: Aaron. We discovered this year that it's a lot harder to get pregnant than they ever tell you. And I will also say that infertility has taught us more than anything else this year. It has taught us how strong we are as a couple and as individuals. Infertility has taught us communication. Infertility has taught us patience. It has taught us the limits of that patience. Infertility has taught us what anger is and what disappointment feels like. It has taught us to laugh more and to cry more freely. It has also taught me that Aaron is my man and he is mine alone. I am so happy with my decision to make him mine--babies or no.

Fourth, I am so thankful for the ability to laugh. Through the years, Aaron has taught me the beauty that is a beautifully crafted dirty joke. And I have shown him that I have been paying attention; I am an expert at delivering the surprise dirty joke. Aaron has taught me to laugh at myself. Because I can be an idiot. And I have learned to laugh at not just what Aaron says, but what he does as well. What is life without laughter? A waste. That's what I've learned.

I'm all, "Let's take a photo!" And he's like, "Okay." And I'm like, "Smile!"

And he makes that face.

Fifth, I am so, so grateful for friends. Like, incredibly grateful. I could write a book about this, but throughout this year, I have had to lean on friends for advice and laughter and hugs. All of which requires vulnerability, something I am not good at showing but something that my friends are great at receiving. I love my friends. I love the old friends I've had since I could barely walk. I love the friends I acquired in college [Mallory!]. I love the friends I have made from our moves. I love the friends I have made through the internet.

Kate Yo & I celebrating Fourth of July.

I'm getting a bit choked up. This year was a good year for growing. For learning about myself and Aaron and the world we live in.

It was a good year.

I am so thankful for you, Mallory. I think you are the person I have talked to most this year [aside from Aaron]. I'm not necessarily talking about quantity, but more so quality [even though we do talk every day]. There was a day during the beginning of the year. I was working at the art museum, guarding a gallery and speaking with patrons. I could feel something brewing under the surface all day. There was a lump in my throat and my eyes felt especially watery. I wanted very badly to find my supervisor and make up some lie about a stomach bug or an emergency. It just was not a day to be around people. I took a lot of bathroom breaks to hide in the stall and collect myself. There was no specific reason for this emotional tumult. I just was. Thoughts of babies and questioning the future and stress [always stress]. And I was sitting in this chair in front of a closed gallery. I was texting you about what was happening and you were so patient. I know you were working and probably didn't appreciate my text messages, but it was one of those days where I needed someone. I needed someone to talk me down and listen and talk me through it. And you were that person--you always seem to be that person. And I just lost it. I remember jumping up from the chair and finding a corner of the gallery where the cameras wouldn't see me, and I just broke down. And I don't know if you knew, but you never stopped texting me. You just listened. You never called me crazy. You were sympathetic, even in your inability to know how much and how badly I was hurting. A week later a box of caramels arrived at my home and you had included a note that said something like, "These are for bad days." Because you knew it wasn't a constant hurting. You understood that it tends to build up and bubble over and leave me breathless. A few weeks after that you sent me a Mother's Day card. There was a brief note on the inside that said something like, "I can't imagine how hard this day must be for you. I'm thinking of you."

Thank you so much for being so genuine and handling my vulnerability with a gentle heart. This year would have absolutely blown without you. The universe seems to have known that I needed a friend like you during all of this, and I am just so impressed that they found a friend for me who seems to get me so well.

Thank you for sticking by my side through a truly tough year. Your friendship means the absolute world to me.

Amy

Thankful for Your Patience

Dear Amy,

Woah. It's been a while. So, so sorry for the disappearing act. As you know, I spent the last two weeks in Michigan, being around family for Thanksgiving. It was so wonderful. Staying at my dads, having company for dinner every night, seeing friends and family... it was exactly what I needed. And my return home was also exactly what I needed. What is it about 2 weeks away from your pots and pans and bed and couch and TV that makes you want to kiss them all when you come back?

This kid was a champ on all four flights. And our four hour delay.

Did you have a nice Thanksgiving? Yours was quiet, wasn't it? That's kind of nice. We've never really had a "quiet" Thanksgiving. I love the chaos on turkey day, but it might be nice to have a simple, quiet day once.

Can we talk about what we're thankful for? I know that was totally last month's thing, but I'm super thankful this year, and I just feel the need to shout it from the mountaintop. Or throughout the blogosphere.

Harry's first snowfall. He loved it.

First, my family. A husband who spoils me rotten whether he's near or far and loves me more than anything. A happy little boy who made all my dreams come true this January. All my brothers and sisters and my dad, mom and stepmom. They're all so great. I'm so thankful for them.

Second, my health. I've seen some seriously scary stuff lately, health-wise, in my friends and family. I'm ridiculously grateful for my health (and the health of Harry + Jon).

Third, I'm thankful for friends. To keep me sane while Jon's away. To act as a surrogate family when I need them to. To share life's ups and downs. To blog with (I'm talking to you girl).

The view out of the porch at my dads.

Finally, laughter. Thanks to that husband of mine, there is no way I'm making it to 40 without a few wrinkles around the mouth and eyes, but I love every laugh. And, by the way, baby laughter is the cutest ever. And it's so funny to see what they find amusing. Last night, Harry was cracking up hitting the cup out of my hands in the bath tub. Over and over and over. Laughing harder and harder and harder. Laughter. The best medicine for a reason.

Anyway, I'm back. Let's talk Holidays.

Your Friend,
Mallory