Dwelling on the future.

Posted on: Friday, October 4, 2013

Dear Mallory,

There's so much I want to say in response to your letter.

I'm not a mom. I have two furry babies that make me feel guilty every time I leave the house with simple, forlorn looks and howling Chucks, but it's not the same as a human babe. I know it's not the same. Aaron and I can come and go as we please without having to worry about packing diaper bags and thinking about nap or bedtimes or meals... But as we've been trying for a baby, I have had to think about what my job situation is going to be like. You can't get maternity leave if you're a temp [which I technically am for four months]. Daycare is pricey. My second income would help out a lot with student loans and other bills, though. And groceries. And dog food. And car maintenance. But I don't want to work when we have a baby. I can't stand the idea of someone else experiencing my baby's firsts. Working as a nanny and in a daycare, I always cringed when a parent arrived in the morning, dropping off their kid, exclaiming, "He took his first steps last night!" ...okay sure, you believe that...

The back and forth of those two arguments is enough to make me go insane. Or, at the very least, throw my hands in the air in defeat; if it's not working now, maybe we should just continue to wait!

As strange as it sounds, it's nice to know where you're at with your career and your family. We all seem to have our lives figured out, but we should know--as fellow struggling human beings--that no one really has it figured out. We're all second guessing ourselves and our choices and our futures. And we're not alone. And we should be okay sharing! It makes it easier to lean on one another, after all.

Does any of this make sense? I've had kind of a weird afternoon and my mind is wandering in a million different directions and an incredible speed. I'd like to talk about this more, though. I'd like to discuss the battles that we women rage against ourselves and others. We should trust ourselves and our instincts. We shouldn't be so quick to judge one another, assuming we're the only ones that are struggling. No one should assume that because you're working from home, you're leading the perfect life, with a perfect balance, of mom and career woman. No one should assume that I'm focusing on my career when really I'm focusing on what I don't have...

And, after a long hiatus, here is a list of our weekly round-ups.

I'm going to relax with these guys this weekend.

We hope everyone has a relaxing and beautiful weekend.



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