He is Home + I am back.

Dear Amy,

Hello again. So sorry for the time lapse I've allowed to pass before responding! As you know we had a very big week in between your last letter and now. Actually two very big weeks. It all started with a homecoming of epic proportions and ended with a lot of vomit. (TMI?)

But first of all, thank you so much for your letter. While I was awaiting the arrival of my better half, I was a bundle of nerves and your words touched my heart. I agree wholeheartedly. Deployments are awful. Emotionally draining, physically exhausting, and you never feel quite right. But that homecoming. Oh man. One of the best feelings you will ever experience.

That moment of waiting. 

Our day was great. I was so nervous all day. I didn't eat much, I didn't think much, I didn't do much. I went for a run. I kept my kid alive. And I lived in this tiny world in my head that was altogether chaotic and calm. I went through motions while watching myself from the outside, and then it was time to go. Time to pick up my husband.

We watched all four planes fly overhead and my heart started pounding. Harry was confused, but loved being outside and people watching. I didn't see anyone. I was just waiting to see those planes land and taxi around the corner. I knew Jon was in the last plane and it felt like an eternity for those propellors to stop moving and people to start filing out of the plane.

My eyes scanned the little, uniformed people as they excited looking for my little uniformed person. The second I saw his walk, I knew it was him. I couldn't see his face, his name tag, his hair, but I could see his walk. And I knew the second that he saw us. He started walking straighter, faster, with a purpose. As he got closer I found myself frozen to the spot (which surprised me, I thought I'd start running as soon as I could) and scanning his face. Looking for changes. His hair was longer. He was thinner. But his smile was still his. As big as I've ever seen it, but it was still Jon. 10 feet away from us, he put down his bags and I jumped into his arms.

The most amazing feeling. I hadn't held anyone's hand in 5 months and you'd never realize how weird that was unless you did it.

You know that moment. It's like the whole world doesn't exist, just you two (well three). Harry was a little stand-offish. He didn't want Jon to hold him. You could tell he recognized him, but was confused why he wasn't in the computer. Don't worry, he warmed up to him in just a few short minutes. I was so happy to finally, finally after 5 long months, have him home. All I wanted to do was to drag him to the car and go home. I didn't want to go on vacation, I didn't want to listen to his commander talk about all the good they had done. I wanted to be at home with my two boys. To sit on the floor and talk. To hold hands.

And since he's been home, it's been great. Just great having him home. Great washing dishes or vacuuming or going for a walk, because Jon's doing all of that with me. In the past two weeks, we've gotten into a daily routine, we've thrown a birthday party for Harry, we've hosted house guests, we've celebrated my birthday, we've taken a trip to New Orleans, and we've all gotten sick. And today he returned to work. All is normal again, in a way. In another way, it's very different.

But I'm so happy he's home. Life feels right again.

How are you my friend? Can you believe it's February? Any goals for the month? I've got to start organizing. My house, my mind, my calendar, my life. I need to.

xoxo, Mallory